Trying to Get Back on the Wagon

Well, Damn. I have officially fallen completely off the wagon. I got so off schedule taking my shots that I stopped all together, then I stopped taking my vitamins, then I stopped even trying to follow my prescribed diet.

And now....I feel like total *%#& inside and out. Headache, heartburn, irritable guts, and sluggishness are all back. And let's not forget that I once again feel like a weight loss failure. For an over achiever like myself, this situation really sucks. I mean, you'd think that being a bit type A would make something as simple as doing what I'm told a piece of cake (ok, bad choice of words). I know how much better I feel when I am following doctor's orders, taking my meds, eating the right foods and getting some exercise, and yet here I am again.

How does this happen you ask? I rationalize and make excuses until before I know it I am completely off track. First, I might really WANT a piece of dessert, or forget my shot because we are away from home at dinner time. So I eat the dessert and rationalize that it's ok because I forgot my dinner shot anyway so it's not going to make me sick. Then it just sort of snow balls. I lie to myself, "Only one won't kill me. I'm on vacation. I deserve this." Then, I get depressed because I am such a weight loss failure, so then I really eat because eating makes me feel better....until it doesn't.

So, I called the doc yesterday and asked to go back on my beginning dose of medication so that I can start over.....again.

I have got to stop acting like Scarlett O'Hara from Gone With the Wind - "I won't think about that now. I'll think about that tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day". TODAY is the only day that matters. TODAY is what I have to focus on. I am picking up the new meds today and tonight, I'll jump back on the wagon.

Sometimes I tell myself I deserve chocolate lava cake, but what I really deserve is to lose 75 pounds so that I look better, feel better and am healthy. THAT is what I DESERVE!