The Rut

Damn. That's about all I can say about things. I am stuck in "the Rut". You know the one. The one where all the old habits feel comfortable, where you don't care that your jeans are cutting off your circulation. Where you tell yourself that you really can have your cake and eat it too. The place where you just don't care anymore. That's where I sit....stuck.

And it hasn't been completely unpleasant. I have eaten foods I haven't eaten in months....mashed potatoes, garlic artisan bread, English muffins with homemade raspberry jam, fruity wines and desserts out the wazoo. They all made me feel very good......for awhile.

Of course with the good comes the bad - headaches, bloating, gas, feeling hungry all the time, no energy. I know I have to get back on track, but I have just been taking my own sweet time trying to psyche myself up for the "start".

Stress is the devil. I was very worried a few weeks ago that I might loose my job. That the funding for my program would not come through. It was a legitimate concern that was really freaking me out. Food made me feel better. Not having to think about following all of the rules associated with taking care of my body made room for the worry. Now, the stress is off for the next several months. In a couple of weeks, the kids will go back to school and our life will resume some sort of routine. Routine is good.

I am procrastinating at this point. Eking all of the pleasure out of the foods I am not supposed to eat and yet giving myself the deadline of back to school to make sure I don't just continue off into oblivion. Right now I am being honest and embarrassing my inner Scarlet O'Hara. "Tomorrow is another day. I won't think about that now, I'll think about that tomorrow."